


Mutually Beneficial

by greenbucket



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hair, Platonic Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-16 09:36:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14161950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenbucket/pseuds/greenbucket
Summary: For all his family is rich white money, their AC doesn’t work for shit, is what Lardo has found this summer.





	Mutually Beneficial

**Author's Note:**

> For Lardo Week day 1: canon/canon divergence.

“Hand me a hair tie,” says Lardo, voice muffled where her cheek is stuck against Shitty’s chest. 

For all his family is rich white money, their AC doesn’t work for shit, is what Lardo has found this summer. She’s been at Shitty’s for two weeks – despite her parents (and Shitty’s dad’s far stronger and uglier) misgivings about her hanging out with a dude from college without any parents around – and it’s been two weeks of continual sweating. Lardo wants to shower constantly.

Shitty wriggles around to reach the hair tie pile Lardo has next to the bed without dislodging her. There’s no way they’re going to cut down on their cuddle and chill time, hot as balls and sweaty as it may be; Lardo hasn’t seen Shits all summer before this, and in a few days she’ll be back home and then off to Kenya til the spring.

Shitty finally hands her a hair tie and says, tying back his own flow with another tie, “At least you’re gonna be prepared as shit for the heat after this.”

“Don’t even,” says Lardo. “I’m gonna transfer my study to, like, Antarctica. I’m done with sweating.” She revels in the temporary relative coolness now her hair is off her neck, then mashes her face back into Shitty’s chest. It’s dumb, and she’s lowkey actually excited beyond words for Kenya, but she’s gonna miss him so much.

“That would be pretty swaesome, not gonna lie. Get in on those fucking penguin huddles.” 

“Wouldn’t that defeat the point? I wanna be cold, not cosy.”

“Dude, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: we’ll buy one of those cooler bags, empty out the fridge and take all the draws out and shit, then you get up on a chair and climb right in,” says Shitty, Lardo listening with awful fondness as he attempts to persuade her for the tenth time in two days, “I’ll give you a flashlight and play Netflix with audio description for you.”

“Thanks, Shits. You’ve always got my back.”

Shitty shrugs and strokes her hair a bit, playing with the ponytail. “Hey, it’s what I’m here for. You come up for sicker burns for my dad’s CD collection than I ever could, I empty out my fridge and shut you inside. Mutually fucking beneficial, bro.”

They listen to the AC’s wheezy attempts for a minute or two.

“Would you cut my hair?” asks Lardo.

Shitty is quiet. “Uh. Well.” He pauses. “Lards, I am honored to the depths of my soul that you would, uh,  _trust_  me with that but I also feel it’s my moral-bound duty to warn you it would be the ugliest shit ever. Like, a mullet or some shit. Or worse.”

Lardo makes her voice small and sad and says, “Oh. Sure. Like, if you don’t wanna then no problem, it doesn’t matter.” She can feel Shitty growing uncomfy under and makes sure he can’t see the smile starting to spread across her face. She loves fucking with him.

“Lardo, no!” he protests unhappily. “I would cut your hair all day every day, bro, if I had a single fucking modicum of skill in these hands.”

“It’s fine, Shits.”

“No, no, no, wait,” says Shitty, and then with grim determination, “I will do my utmost to give you the sickest flow known to man. I’ll read one of those wikihows and watch a fuck load of youtube clips and we’ll be outta here, chopping and clipping and all that good shit.” 

He reaches for his cell to start researching and Lardo admires the dedication but knows it’s time to cut this off before Shitty is two hours and twenty videos deep.

“Shitty, I’m kidding. I wouldn’t let you in twenty feet of my hair with a pair of scissors, fully no shade.”

“No shit?” and then when Lardo gives him a  _come on, bro_  look, Shitty breathes out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank fuck. Holy shit, Lards. My God. I thought you were suffering some hardcore heatstroke there.”

“Don’t front, you were gonna do it.”

“Some intensive dehydration seriously fucking impeding your decision making capabilities, man.”

Lardo let’s him have it. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m thinking I’m gonna do it when I’m back in the US of A, gonna get that Samwell chop.”

“Yeah?” says Shits, and Lardo knows he’s not just asking about a change in hairstyle. Everyone knows who it is that gets the Samwell chop.

Lardo shrugs. “Yeah. I’m not gonna tell my parents anything yet, but I’m gonna start building on those art student vibes.”

“Gonna finally get Camilla Collins to swoon at your feet?”

Lardo kicks him, medium-strength. “Fuck off, Shits, you were schwasted but I know you remember us making out at the tennis club kegster. You literally high-fived me about it when you saw her selfies on your FB feed, like, a week ago.”

“Just proud of you, dude. My hottest two BFFs getting with the one and only Camilla Collins in one academic year is a lot for one man to handle. Some stunning taste all round.”

Lardo can’t disagree with him. “Well,  _anyway._  Your boner aside, bro, I’m just saying this all because if I cut all my hair off in Kenya with no plan and it’s fuck-ugly instead of reaching a peak bi aesthetic, it’s gonna be because all my heat-coping abilities were worn into oblivion by your shitty fucking AC.”

“Hey!” says Shitty, all put-on offense, “she’s old and she’s a beauty that’s just trying her best. Also, the fridge is right fucking there, Lards, I have told you the exact course of action.”

Lardo tries to sound snappy but fails, swallowing a laugh halfway through at the image as she says, “For fuck’s sake, Shitty, _you_ get in the fridge if you love it so much!”


End file.
